As a public service, the Curmudgeon has compiled a list of new interrogation techniques that could take the place of waterboarding and be just as effective. (Most of these, however, do risk being labelled "torture" by international rights groups.)
1. Spend the morning at DMV trying to get a drivers' license on a special exemption.
2. Spend the afternoon contesting a parking ticket in the D.C. parking adjudication branch. (That's Al Queda mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed, above, after just two hours trying to contest a parking ticket received in Adams-Morgan for not turning his wheels to the curb.)
3. Drive to downtown D.C. from Stafford County at 8:00 a.m.
4. Go to the emergency room at D.C. General Hospital on a Friday night for treatment of a relatively minor wound.
5. Return a gift to Macy's.
6. Call Comcast to get a cable problem worked out. (Or Verizon for a phone problem.)
7. Watch all the Redskins' fourth quarters in a continuous loop.
8. Find a parking space at Tysons Galleria on December 24.
9. Try to purchase a roll of toilet paper, milk and some bread the night before a major snowstorm is forecast to strike.
10. Sit through a continuous loop of all the presidential debates held in 2007.
We're pretty sure any combination of two of these will break even the most resolute would be terrorist.
No comments:
Post a Comment