Monday, June 25, 2007

Fat People To The Rescue: Energy Crisis Solved

We love the moment in the movie "Soylent Green" when Charlton Heston makes the awful realization that the government is turning people into food: "Soylent green is people!" he wails as the film ends.

We thought of this today after reading a Wall Street Journal article with the subheadline: "Scientists Are Turning To Fat As Renewable Energy Source."

Could it be, we thrilled, that fat people are the solution to our impending energy crisis? Such sweet irony--the same folks who need monster SUV's to transport their bodies; who consume the world's food resources at an alarming rate; who demand that the air conditioning be set at 65 degrees so they won't be hot--those same people could be put to use as fuel?

Perhaps. Scientists are working to turn animal fat into a form of bio-diesel fuel for automobiles. In one project, Tysons Foods is working with Conoco Phillips to take fat from chicken processing plants and render it into bio-diesel, all with the hoped for help of a generous federal subsidy.

So why not people? Set up massive liposuction centers next to these bio-diesel refineries and kill two birds with one stone: wipe out obesity while ending the energy crisis.

Problem solved. Next.

1 comment:

Johnny Camacho said...


We should think of a non-surgical way to slim down the obese while solving the energy crisis. Perhaps a power-generating treadmill or elliptical trainer?

Oh, the possibilities! Saving tons of cash on the power bill would motivate entire families to exercise, decreasing our dependence on fossil fuels, while simultaneously improving the overall health of our nation.

I have seen the future of power-generating exercise equipment, and it is good...