Thursday, March 01, 2007

Northern Virginia Barbie

If you're easily offended by stereotypes, don't read further. If you can stand poking a little fun at NoVa, read on.

A friend sent us a preview of Mattel's new limited edition collection of Northern Virginia Barbie's. We've posted the top five:

1. " Loudoun County Barbie "
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. Attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.

2. " Fairfax County Barbie "
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

3. " McLean Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

4. " Ashburn Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair . She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.

5. And finally (this one is pretty mean): " Woodbridge Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

But no Arlington Barbie--too sensible, we guess!


Anonymous said...

I think this is hilarious, but you got Woodbridge Barbie all wrong. Woodbridge is full of cheap, ghetto wanna be's, and the rich ghetto wanna be's living just around the corner in Dale City.

Unknown said...

Arlington Barbie:
Arlington Barbie:
This doll comes equipped with happy hour schedule and North Face fleece. Her seemingly Republican day outfit turns into a tight pair of skinny jeans and a slutty top in the evening (but the pearl earrings stay in of course). She comes with an overpriced condo and flashy car that she never drives since the metro is only a block away.

Graduated Frat Boy Ken is sold separately, but comes with a pair of new balance shoes, a hat from the college he graduated from and a polo shirt with a collar you can flip up, or down.

guish said...

Yeah, Woodbridge Barbie is more like Stafford Barbie. :)

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Anonymous said...

I second the Woodbridge barbie comment. Less redneck, more ghetto.

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Unknown said...

Hey why are they all white. Centreville Barbie might be Korean and Falls Church barbie vietnamese.