Thursday, March 15, 2007

News Flash: Khalid Mohammed Was Second JFK Shooter, Engineered Watergate Break-in And Was Zodiac Killer

This just in from the Guantanamo military trial of terrorist mastermind Klalid Sheikh Mohammed.

It seems that Mohammed has now confessed to personal involvement in numerous additional atrocities. Mohammed described how he masterminded the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, personally firing the fatal shot from a grassy knoll in Dallas.

Later, in 1972, Mohammed, posing as an Arab oil sheikh, suggested to President Richard Nixon that he bug the Democratic National Committee HQ in the Watergate building, then alerted D.C. police as the break-in was occurring.

KSM also admitted that he is the long sought after Zodiac killer, responsible for a string of sensational unsolved murders in San Francisco.

The terrorist mastermind hinted at involvement in a number of other schemes in the U.S. and around the world as well. For example, he strongly implied that it was he who ordered the pizza that Monica Lewinsky delivered to President Clinton, and that he suggested to her that she expose her thong as a way to catch the President's eye. Likewise, KSM explained that it he who had designed the infamous butterfly ballot used in the 2000 presidential election in West Palm Beach County, Florida. He also took credit for cajoling a young Colonel Oliver North to sell arms to Iran as a means of funding Nicaraguan contras in the Reagan administration.

Beleagured Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, happy to change the subject from politically motivated firings of U.S. Attorneys, declared at a news conference today that: "This administration is proud to have finally solved the JFK assassination and Zodiac murders, and to have uncovered information proving that the Watergate break-in was, in fact, a terrorist plot. We look forward to the continued trial of Mr. Mohammed and the resolution of other criminal plots and historical mysteries."

Do we really believe this guy?

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