Notes On Disney World

The Curmudgeon Clan was off to Disney World this past week for Spring Break. We could easily write a whole book on the Disney experience, but others already have, so here's just a few quick notes.

This was our first trip to Disney with the kids, which is pretty remarkable given that they're now 13 and 10 years old. They're both amusement park aficianados, so they rated their Disney experience compared to that of the other parks they've been too, primarily Hershey, Busch Gardens and Kings Dominion.

Of course, going to Disney World the week before Easter is about the worst possible time to go if you don't like crowds (and who does!). But with the kids' sports schedules and school activities, we didn't have much choice.

Which leads to our first observation: we saw a number of families there this week with only pre-school children. Get a clue folks--if you have pre-schoolers, don't go during Spring Break! Hey, the opportunity won't last long (those pre-schoolers tend to move on to school), so take advantage and go during off-peak times.

Our second observation: Disney is for morning people. During a busy period like Spring Break, the parks open at 8:00 a.m., with early opening for resort guests as early as 7:00 a.m. If you can get there that early, bully for you--you'll get to do a lot before the park gets crowded and lines get long. The Curmudgeon Clan is not morning people, however.

We used the "Unofficial Guide To Disney World" as our guide book for the trip. It ought to be re-titled the "Morning Person's Guide To Disney World." The entire guide book is devoted to plans that require you to arrive at the park approximately a half-hour before opening time, so that you can then rush in and ride all the major attractions without standing in line.

It probably works, but not for us. Let's say you're staying in a Disney resort hotel (we stayed at the Boardwalk, which we highly recommend for convenience, amenities, variety and nighttime activities--for those who aren't early birds) and could enter the Magic Kingdom at 7:00 a.m. Well, to get there a half-hour before the park opens, you'd need to get up around 5:30 a.m. and give yourself a half-hour to take the Disney bus, etc. The "Unofficial" Guide says you can get breakfast inside the parks, but their touring plans don't leave room in the schedule for any such silliness (they do allow for lunch, however).

A third observation: Disney favors those people who like to obsessively plan their itineraries down to the minute. If you want to eat at ANY sit-down restaurant in Disney World, you'll need a reservation, which can be made 90 days in advance. Disney wants you to reserve a seat for BREAKFAST for god's sake!

So forget spontaneity. Not sure which park you want to be in on day four? Better make a reservation, or you'll be eating burgers and chicken and scrumming for a place to sit. Or what if you get to a park and decide you want to stay late? Forget it: you've got to make it to your dinner reservation, which may be on the other side of the World, or you'll be slurping pizza on a bench.

That said, if you DO have reservations, things will work out well for your large party.

Another observation on Disney's obsession with planning: Disney has this "FAST-PASS" system, where you are allowed--once every two hours--to get a "fast-pass" that will allow you to bypass the "standby" line for popular rides and attractions and basically go right to the front. This is basically a cheap trick by Disney to make you think you're getting something special, when really you're getting screwed. Sure, the fast-pass is great when you have it, but it'll only work for about 2-4 rides per day. The rest of the time, you're standing in lines that are much LONGER because of all those people fast-passing around you.

The system is certainly fair--everyone has an equal opportunity to access fast-pass, so it's not like some parks that allow some patrons to move up in line by paying more, which can only piss off all those who still paid quite a pretty penny to get in.

But we suspect that without fast-pass, most Disney lines would be considerably shorter, without having to run back and forth across the park to get, and then use, those "fast" passes.

An observation for those who have teens or tweens who've ridden all the biggest, baddest coasters and thrill rides in the land: you need to warn them that Disney is not that kind of place. Each park has, at most, two decent thrill rides, and even those are pretty tame by comparison. On the other hand, Disney's shows are consistently the best, and it's devotion to detail in keeping with a theme far exceeds that of the competition. [That said, our kids enjoyed "Disney Quest"--a super-advanced single-price admission arcade with lots of virtual reality games--more than anything else at Disney.]

And a final observation: if you're claustrophobic or highly prone to motion sickness, you might want to stay away from Disney. A lot of rides make up for lack of speed, height and other measures of thrill-seeking by being put in the dark. For example, the Rock'N Roller Coaster at Hollywood studios, and Space Mountain at Magic Kingdom are both fairly small, but fully enclosed, roller coasters, that achieve thrills by throwing you around in the dark.

The Curmudgeon and one of the Curmudgeon Kids are mildly claustrophobic. We survived the many enclosed rides, virtual reality canisters and darkened theaters, enjoying most of them, but really, we'd rather be out in the open.

The good news: despite it being Disney's busiest week, despite our not being early birds, despite our not planning to the minute, we had a good time. Disney can handle a large crowd. They can move people around efficiently, and they generally move a lot of people through the rides and shows fairly quickly. And they still put on a magnificent show.